Correcting My Untruths about my Marriage Ending

In April 2010, at a Divine Truth seminar, Mary, Cornelius and Jodi did a presentation about reincarnation.  I became involved in this presentation by way of my past relationship with Jodi (my ex ife).  We had been married, and had separated late the previous year.  Some interest and questions arose around the breakup, and I became part of the talk too. However, various untruths were communicated during the presentation by myself, and the intention of the following to correct those untruths.

To give some background:

A few years back, I decided to end my marriage.  However there has been a lot of confusion about the events surrounding the separation, and there have been certain things I have been comfortable for people to believe, although they haven’t been true. I have written this to correct those untruths and misconceptions that I have communicated in the past, with respect to how my marriage ended, and provide an actual account what actually happened.

The history is as follows:

·         I was married when we discovered the teachings of Divine Truth as presented by Jesus (AJ) in 2008.  We began to apply the teachings in our lives and relationship, and this involved being much more truthful, open, and honest with each other, and also working through the emotions that arose as a result.  There were times when this was very confronting, and challenged our previously held beliefs systems about our relationship.  However once the emotions had been felt through, the emotional pain subsided, and the truth of the situation became clearer.

·    During the next 18 months, I was able to work through some of my women emotions, and as I did, I found myself gradually desiring Jodi less and less, and I could feel myself growing apart from her.  This came as a surprise, because up until that point I had assumed, (or hoped) that we were soulmates, and that this process would confirm my belief.  Instead of me finding her more desirable, and attractive, the opposite was happening.  This was quite confronting for me, because this is not the way I had envisaged this were going to work out.  My (erroneous) belief was that as I worked through my emotions, I would find her more attractive and desirable.

·         Throughout this time, we constantly talked about what was happening, and I was open with her, in sharing what I could feel that was going on for myself.

·         In December 2009, I had reached the point where I felt we needed to separate, and so I ended our relationship, as it seemed clear to me that we were not soulmates.   Hence this decision was not a difficult one to make.  I did not make this decision because I was angry with Jodi, nor because of anything that happened in the relationship.  I made the decision because it was the honest and obvious thing to do.

·         In hindsight, I probably should have ended the relationship a bit sooner, however, I chose to stay in the relationship because it met some of my other emotional addictions, namely, still wanting a woman to look after me, sex, and someone to look after our children so that I could still work full time.

·         Even though we had separated, we still lived under the same roof for a few months ‘for the sake of the kids’.  This seemed like a good idea at the time, however upon reflection it was really because I still wanted my ex-wife to look after them, and still mother me and look after the house.

·         At Christmas 2009, I had a feeling that I knew who my soulmate was.  Even at this stage (and the months following) I was still content with me pursuing someone who I thought was my soulmate, whilst at the same time still living with Jodi. 

·         After a while, Jodi felt that she had to move out, as the situation was unloving to herself.  So even though I had initiated the separation, I wasn’t prepared to be responsible for my own decision, and take the necessary action to move out myself.

Upon reflection, I’m not proud of my actions after I decided to initiate the separation.  The separation I was clear about, however the thought of having to live by myself, start looking after the kids by myself, work less, frightened me so much, that I chose to be unloving to Jodi, and expected her to still do all the ‘motherly’ duties, purely for my comfort.

I have previously given the impression that Jodi left me to be with someone else, and that I was the victim, or poor guy, who was left alone because of the decision of Jodi to leave our marriage.  I have also given the impression that the Divine Truth will result in a marriage being broken, and it leave you a poor broken person, who is the ‘victim’ of learning the truth.  This is simply not true.  The truth is that I portrayed this image in order for people to feel sorry for me, and to get a lot of sympathetic emotions, particularly from women. 

The Divine Truth allows you to what is real in a relationship, and what is not.  What happens after that is a choice for the individual.  I am so glad that I had the opportunity to discover the truth about my marriage, as it has resulted in a lot of personal growth.

There have been numerous ascertains made that AJ (and Divine Truth) has broken up families, marriages, and relationships.   In my experience, this has not been the case.  Never at any stage did AJ or Mary suggest or imply that Jodi and I were/were not soulmates.  Nor did they suggest or imply that we should or shouldn’t be together.  It was my personal decision to leave the marriage.  We did discuss our relationship at times, but the advice was always to just keep working through our emotions and we will eventually realise the truth.

What actually happened during the presentation:

·         I engaged in the talk so that I could tell my story

·         I gave the impression that it was Jodi that left me, to be with Cornelius

·         I wanted to be seen as ‘poor guy’ and the ‘victim’ of Jodi and Cornelius getting together

·         I gave the impression that Jodi moved out and took everything, and left me with nothing which was not the case

·         I wanted women to feel sorry for me, and make me feel better, rather then me dealing with my own emotions.  I received a lot of sympathy from the audience, especially women.

·         I was/still am hooked into a feeling of wanting the woman to make me feel special

·         I liked the special feeling of (potentially) being the ex-partner of 1 of the 14

·         I was demanding that women make me feel better, and mother me

·         I had the feeling that I knew how to work through things on the Divine Love Path, and knew what the Divine Love Path was about, and I projected this onto the audience.  This is not the case as evidenced by my lack of progress in my subsequent relationship

I have to apologise to:

·         AJ and Mary for ‘highjacking’ their talk for me to tell my own story which was not based in truth, and gave the impression that the Divine Truth is destructive and breaks up families and relationships.  And for AJ and Mary having to continually correct the untruth with the media, that the Divine Truth is destructive to relationships and families.  Whilst I struggle with the truth at times, I don’t feel that it is destructive, and the Divine Truth actually highlights the truth about relationships, and this is a good thing.  I have found the Divine Truth to be extremely beneficial, particularly in relation to my relationship with my children, and becoming a better parent. 

·         The audience (both on the day, and anyone that listened to it via the Divine Truth website) for communicating that feeling that I knew how to work through things on the Divine Love Path, and knew what the Divine Love Path was about.  This is not the case as evidenced by my lack of progress in my subsequent relationship

·         My lack of morals and ethics for allowing this to happen in the first instance, but also for not correcting the untruths sooner, and perpetuating the untruth for all this time.

Some people are curious, and have questions, as to what happened, and so to answer some of these questions I have provided a response to a few:

Did Divine Truth cause in your breakup?

Learning about the Divine Truth emotionally enabled me to see the relationship from a more loving and truthful perspective.  As I learned more truth about my relationship and myself it became clearer that my view of it was flawed, and out of harmony with love.  I guess as we learn more, we see things differently and apply our new teachings to our existing situations.  Certainly, the Divine Truth helped me to realise the truth, but the decision to end the relationship was mine. 

If you hadn’t of found out about Divine Truth, do you think that you would still be married?

This is a difficult question as it is hypothetical, however, because I was in such an addictive relationship, I would probably have to say yes.  That is not to say that something else might not have happened in the meantime to change the relationship anyway.   Ultimately, the end would have been the same though, because eventually I would have realised what was happening, it just might have taken a lot longer.  In fact this is one of the great benefits of the Divine Truth, in that if you want to apply it in your life, the truth of the situation can become clear quite rapidly if your open to seeing it.  If your not open then it takes a little longer.

You have previously described your relationship with Jodi as ‘perfect’.  Do you still hold that view?

No.  It is obvious to me now, that the relationship was built around addictive emotional needs being met, and was not one based in love.  I have previously described it as perfect in the past because, I got what I wanted, we never argued, I could do whatever I wanted without doing anything in return, and all of my physical, sexual, and (erroneous) emotional needs were met.  It was a relationship that was built on a barter system, whereby the unconscious arrangement was, “I’ll give you what you want, if you give me what I want.”

Truth was absent from the relationship right up until the end when we started applying the Divine Truth to the relationship.  This quickly highlighted that we were not being truthful about the relationship, and our feelings about it.  I was living what I thought was a good relationship, not living a relationship based on truth and love as I am starting to understand it.

Do you ever regret the decision that you made?

Once we were separated, a lot of addictions were highlighted and were in my face for the first time in my life.  This was very confronting for me at the time, and some the emotional injuries that were exposed I found difficult to deal with at the time.  There were times when I wanted to return to the addictive relationship.  However once the emotions had been felt through, it became very clear to me that I had made the right decision.

Has your experience helped you in your new relationship?

Not really, actually probably not at all.  I had worked through a lot of emotions in my marriage, relating to feelings unloved by a woman, however I failed to address my demands and addictions relating to wanting a woman to do things for me and make me feel special.  When I entered a new relationship, my new partner did not have the emotions of wanting to look after me, hence my addictions were exposed for the first time.  Unfortunately, I chose not to deal with those emotions, and instead I rejected my new partner and just got angry at her.  This has resulted in me causing her much pain, which I also now have to work through.

If you dealt with your addictions, would you still have the same pain in that relationship?

No.  There have been times when I have worked through a small addiction, and I have felt a large amount of love and desire for that person.  However, as I have generally chosen not to deal with my addictions that general outcome is a painful one.  I have chosen not to deal with my addictions, and I have honoured my arrogance and fear, over love for my partner, and when this happens the outcome can never be a good one.

How have the kids been affected?

It is my experience that children are fine with a situation, provided that parents are owning their own emotions.  We were very open and honest with the boys throughout the entire process, and told them everything that was happening.  The only times the boys became upset with any part of the situation was when either myself or Jodi, had emotions that were being projected onto the boys, as we weren’t owning them.   I have had many times where I have been processing seemingly intense emotions (anger, through to fear, through to causal) and the boys are happy to play and have not been affected by my emotional processing at all.  In fact I have had them say to me that they prefer it, and It feels better for them, when I am dealing with my emotions (anger and fear included).  Processing your emotions is also highly beneficial to children, as they no longer have to feel the projection coming from you.  There have been many times when I can see how my children have changed after I have felt though an emotion.  They are generally happier, more considerate and loving, and the parent/child relationship changes greatly for the better.

Isn’t it better though, that children are raised in a “stable” household with both a mother and father?

This was one of my previously held beliefs as well, whereby I though that the balance of a mother and father was the best thing for a childs development.  My belief now is that children thrive in an environment of truth and love.  There was a short time where Jodi and I were separated and living in the same house for “the sake of the children”, however this was not a healthy environment, and it was not an arrangement based on love or truth.  For us to stay together for that reason was teaching the boys that it is okay to live a lie, and that it is okay to live in an addictive relationship.  This is not something that I want to teach my children anymore (as much I know how).

Any other questions can be forwarded to me at crick.justin@yahoo.com.

Thank You

Justin

4/2/2014